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Jokes 2017


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Dsb123

Club Member

Sun 08 Jan 17 21:08

Jokes 2017


A car was travelling along the A15 at very low speed of 15 mph. It was holding up a long tailback of traffic. As it passed a police patrol car the police pulled out and put on its lights and forced the car to pull over. The traffic officer went over to the car and saw there was an elderly woman driver and another elderly front seat passenger. He asked the old lady why she was driving so slowly along an unrestricted road. She said well this is the A15 and that means the speed limit is 15 mph. The police officer said that is the road number and not the speed limit. He then noticed the passenger was gripping onto the dash for dear life with a terrified look on her face sos he asked the driver if she was OK. The driver said yes but they had just come off the A135!!



Last edited by VetteWeekend on Tue 22 Aug 17 19:47; edited 1 time in total. [0 %]
--------------------
New member of club.
C6 Corvette and a Cobra

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chevrolet

Club Member

Mon 21 Aug 17 10:30

Re: Jokes - Jan '17


- Hello! Gordon's pizza?

- No sir this is Google's pizza.

- Sorry, I must have dialed a wrong number?

- No sir, Google bought out Gordon's Pizza a short while ago.

- OK. Take my order please.

- OK sir, would you like your usual?"

- The usual? You know me?

- According to our caller-ID database, your last 12 orders were for pizza with cheese and sausage toppings, thick crust and crisp.

- OK! That's it...

- May I suggest this time you add ricotta, arugula with dry tomato toppings?

- What? I hate vegetables

- Your cholesterol is not good, sir."

- How do you know that?

- We cross-matched your phone number with your name and your online medical portal. We have the result of your blood tests for the past 7 years.

- Okay, but I do not want those toppings, I already take medicine ...

- Excuse me, but you have not taken your medicine regularly. We can see from our database, 4 months ago, you only purchased a box with 30 cholesterol tablets at CVS.

- I bought more from another

- Such a transaction is not showing in your credit card account.

- I paid in cash.

- But you did not withdraw that much cash according to your recent bank statement.

- I have another source of cash.

- That is not showing as per your latest tax return unless you obtained it from an undeclared income source.

WHAT THE !!!!.....

- "I'm sorry, sir, we use such information only with the intention of helping you.

- Enough! I'm sick of Google, Facebook, Twitter, WhatsApp. I'm going to an Island
without internet, cable TV, where there is no cell phone service and no one to spy on me.

- "I understand sir but you'll need to renew your passport first as it expired 6 weeks ago!


--------------------
AKA "Silver C6" on Pistonheads

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Daytona Vette

Club Member

Mon 21 Aug 17 13:43

Re: Jokes - Jan '17


Chevrolet you need to be careful what you say otherwise you may find your ECU has intercepted malware culminating in you doing a Googley down the motorway.



Last edited by Daytona Vette on Mon 21 Aug 17 13:44; edited 1 time in total. [1 %]
--------------------
Barry - Daytona Vette

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chevrolet

Club Member

Mon 21 Aug 17 14:22

Re: Jokes - Jan '17


Don't you threaten me, or I'll turn up your central heating (remotely).


--------------------
AKA "Silver C6" on Pistonheads

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Daytona Vette

Club Member

Mon 21 Aug 17 21:58

Re: Jokes - Jan '17


You will have a job the battery is about to die in your remote


--------------------
Barry - Daytona Vette

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BlackZeD

Club Member

Tue 22 Aug 17 20:15

Re: Jokes 2017


A 92 year-old man went to the doctor to get a physical.
A few days later the doctor saw the man walking down the street with a gorgeous young lady on his arm.
At his follow up visit the doctor talked to the man and said, "You're really doing great, aren't you?"
The man replied, "Just doing what you said Doctor,
'Get a hot mamma and be cheerful'."
The Doctor said, "I didn't say that. I said you got a heart murmur. Be careful


--------------------
Don't take life too seriously, after all, your not coming out of it alive.

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chevrolet

Club Member

Thu 24 Aug 17 12:38

Re: Jokes 2017


If he had a heart murmur, can't be the same 93 year old that was going to marry a 21 year old woman. He visited the doctor for a check-up before the marriage/honeymoon.

Doctor said that, considering his age, he was in good health/everything worked. BUT said the doctor, you do realise that going on honeymoon with a 21 year old could prove fatal. I'll take the chance said the guy. If she dies, she dies.


--------------------
AKA "Silver C6" on Pistonheads

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Daytona Vette

Club Member

Thu 24 Aug 17 15:02

Re: Jokes 2017


You heard old Bill has died?

No what happened?

Well you know the old gent lived next to the Church - well his young 21 year old bride used to enjoy him making passion in time to the 6.00 clock chime of the bells

So how did that kill him?

It was when the Fire Engine went passed.


--------------------
Barry - Daytona Vette

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Daytona Vette

Club Member

Wed 04 Oct 17 21:59

Jokes


There are often analogies made between ladies and cars

However today I have found something that I can do very well with the Vette but I have No chance with the wife - that of:

"Putting my foot down"


--------------------
Barry - Daytona Vette

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VetteWeekend

Webmaster

Thu 05 Oct 17 07:16

Re: Jokes


Daytona Vette wrote (View Post):There are often analogies made between ladies and cars

However today I have found something that I can do very well with the Vette but I have No chance with the wife - that of:

"Putting my foot down"


Moved to the Humour forum!


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