CCCUK logo

 Lancaster Insurance

Website Control

Recent threads

New Forum Posts

» 1978 C3 Corvette Silver Anniversary L82 Automatic by geoff917 on Fri 20 Jul 18 17:08

» International Corvette & Camaro Meeting 2019 - 20th Anniversary by Alexa-Italy on Fri 20 Jul 18 16:31

» New member in Retford, Notts.......! by IbanezDan51 on Fri 20 Jul 18 11:21

» A rather fast C2 vette by Invetterate on Fri 20 Jul 18 08:10

» Valkenberg - A Beschi family tribute by JonnyC4 on Thu 19 Jul 18 20:48

» Vulcan Tour 2018 by Bowler on Thu 19 Jul 18 12:58

» C5 Z06 centre caps? by yenko 1969 on Thu 19 Jul 18 11:11

» 15x8 OEM Rally wheels by Ddave on Thu 19 Jul 18 08:44

» Silverstone Classic - 20/21/22 July 2018 by curious bystander on Thu 19 Jul 18 08:23

» Looking for a C6 Z06 by IbanezDan51 on Wed 18 Jul 18 23:56

» BBCN Regional Meet by Nicetie on Wed 18 Jul 18 22:58

» Buying a C6 Convertible.... Or more likely a Targa Top by chevrolet on Tue 17 Jul 18 22:18

» For Sale - C4 '84-'86 E (Early) Solid Roof by chevrolet on Tue 17 Jul 18 20:30

» Corvette-Fame 13-14-15 July 2018 by JonnyC4 on Tue 17 Jul 18 18:06

» Spare wheel kit 74 by BertieGas on Mon 16 Jul 18 23:40

» Developing Starter Issue by kentvette on Mon 16 Jul 18 18:41

» Shooting for 1000whp with my C7 @ Top Cats Racing by roppa440 on Mon 16 Jul 18 15:07

» Black '68 by Jan25 on Mon 16 Jul 18 10:23

» What did you do with your Vette today? by roppa440 on Mon 16 Jul 18 09:39

» Garage services required for a C3 in the NW by Daytona Vette on Sun 15 Jul 18 20:06

» NEC Classic Car Show - Birmingham by 86vetteman on Sat 14 Jul 18 22:39

» C4 coupe wanted by Redridge Corvette on Sat 14 Jul 18 21:54

»  by Nosheruk on Sat 14 Jul 18 17:44

» How to post a photo in the forums by Nosheruk on Sat 14 Jul 18 17:38

» New member, new c3 on order! by Forrest Gump on Sat 14 Jul 18 12:06

» C5 seat refurbishment by roscobbc on Sat 14 Jul 18 09:29

» Classic + Vintage Vehicle Festival - Peterborough by curious bystander on Fri 13 Jul 18 17:35

» R/H door lock mech and clip by MIT on Fri 13 Jul 18 16:53

» What modern spark plugs for 1973 454? by roscobbc on Fri 13 Jul 18 00:43

» Insurance by MIT on Thu 12 Jul 18 21:44

Jokes 2017


Go to page: 1, 2, 3 / Next


Reply to topic
View previous topicEmail to a FriendPrinter FriendlyView next topic

Author

Message

Dsb123

Club Member

Sun 08 Jan 17 22:08

Jokes 2017


A car was travelling along the A15 at very low speed of 15 mph. It was holding up a long tailback of traffic. As it passed a police patrol car the police pulled out and put on its lights and forced the car to pull over. The traffic officer went over to the car and saw there was an elderly woman driver and another elderly front seat passenger. He asked the old lady why she was driving so slowly along an unrestricted road. She said well this is the A15 and that means the speed limit is 15 mph. The police officer said that is the road number and not the speed limit. He then noticed the passenger was gripping onto the dash for dear life with a terrified look on her face sos he asked the driver if she was OK. The driver said yes but they had just come off the A135!!



Last edited by VetteWeekend on Tue 22 Aug 17 20:47; edited 1 time in total. [0 %]
--------------------
New member of club.
C6 Corvette and a Cobra

Reply with quote

chevrolet

Club Member

Mon 21 Aug 17 11:30

Re: Jokes - Jan '17


- Hello! Gordon's pizza?

- No sir this is Google's pizza.

- Sorry, I must have dialed a wrong number?

- No sir, Google bought out Gordon's Pizza a short while ago.

- OK. Take my order please.

- OK sir, would you like your usual?"

- The usual? You know me?

- According to our caller-ID database, your last 12 orders were for pizza with cheese and sausage toppings, thick crust and crisp.

- OK! That's it...

- May I suggest this time you add ricotta, arugula with dry tomato toppings?

- What? I hate vegetables

- Your cholesterol is not good, sir."

- How do you know that?

- We cross-matched your phone number with your name and your online medical portal. We have the result of your blood tests for the past 7 years.

- Okay, but I do not want those toppings, I already take medicine ...

- Excuse me, but you have not taken your medicine regularly. We can see from our database, 4 months ago, you only purchased a box with 30 cholesterol tablets at CVS.

- I bought more from another

- Such a transaction is not showing in your credit card account.

- I paid in cash.

- But you did not withdraw that much cash according to your recent bank statement.

- I have another source of cash.

- That is not showing as per your latest tax return unless you obtained it from an undeclared income source.

WHAT THE !!!!.....

- "I'm sorry, sir, we use such information only with the intention of helping you.

- Enough! I'm sick of Google, Facebook, Twitter, WhatsApp. I'm going to an Island
without internet, cable TV, where there is no cell phone service and no one to spy on me.

- "I understand sir but you'll need to renew your passport first as it expired 6 weeks ago!


--------------------
AKA "Silver C6" on Pistonheads

Reply with quote

Daytona Vette

Club Member

Mon 21 Aug 17 14:43

Re: Jokes - Jan '17


Chevrolet you need to be careful what you say otherwise you may find your ECU has intercepted malware culminating in you doing a Googley down the motorway.



Last edited by Daytona Vette on Mon 21 Aug 17 14:44; edited 1 time in total. [1 %]
--------------------
Barry - Daytona Vette

Reply with quote

chevrolet

Club Member

Mon 21 Aug 17 15:22

Re: Jokes - Jan '17


Don't you threaten me, or I'll turn up your central heating (remotely).


--------------------
AKA "Silver C6" on Pistonheads

Reply with quote

Daytona Vette

Club Member

Mon 21 Aug 17 22:58

Re: Jokes - Jan '17


You will have a job the battery is about to die in your remote


--------------------
Barry - Daytona Vette

Reply with quote

BlackZeD

Club Member

Tue 22 Aug 17 21:15

Re: Jokes 2017


A 92 year-old man went to the doctor to get a physical.
A few days later the doctor saw the man walking down the street with a gorgeous young lady on his arm.
At his follow up visit the doctor talked to the man and said, "You're really doing great, aren't you?"
The man replied, "Just doing what you said Doctor,
'Get a hot mamma and be cheerful'."
The Doctor said, "I didn't say that. I said you got a heart murmur. Be careful


--------------------
Don't take life too seriously, after all, your not coming out of it alive.

Reply with quote

chevrolet

Club Member

Thu 24 Aug 17 13:38

Re: Jokes 2017


If he had a heart murmur, can't be the same 93 year old that was going to marry a 21 year old woman. He visited the doctor for a check-up before the marriage/honeymoon.

Doctor said that, considering his age, he was in good health/everything worked. BUT said the doctor, you do realise that going on honeymoon with a 21 year old could prove fatal. I'll take the chance said the guy. If she dies, she dies.


--------------------
AKA "Silver C6" on Pistonheads

Reply with quote

Daytona Vette

Club Member

Thu 24 Aug 17 16:02

Re: Jokes 2017


You heard old Bill has died?

No what happened?

Well you know the old gent lived next to the Church - well his young 21 year old bride used to enjoy him making passion in time to the 6.00 clock chime of the bells

So how did that kill him?

It was when the Fire Engine went passed.


--------------------
Barry - Daytona Vette

Reply with quote

Daytona Vette

Club Member

Wed 04 Oct 17 22:59

Jokes


There are often analogies made between ladies and cars

However today I have found something that I can do very well with the Vette but I have No chance with the wife - that of:

"Putting my foot down"


--------------------
Barry - Daytona Vette

Reply with quote

VetteWeekend

Webmaster

Thu 05 Oct 17 08:16

Re: Jokes


Daytona Vette wrote (View Post):There are often analogies made between ladies and cars

However today I have found something that I can do very well with the Vette but I have No chance with the wife - that of:

"Putting my foot down"


Moved to the Humour forum!


--------------------
CCCUK on Facebook

VetteWeekend
'75 Shark (on a shoestring) - Sold!
'58 Apache - The shop truck - Sold!
'91 ZR-1...For Fun! - The Return of Purple Haze!
'72 GMC G15 'Shorty' - Rolling Heavy.
www.kickson66.uk - For Official Gas Monkey Garage, DPG, OCC Merch & More.

Reply with quote

Reply to topic
View previous topicEmail to a FriendPrinter FriendlyPrivate MessengerView next topic

Go to page: 1, 2, 3 / Next


Permissions

You cannot post new threads in this forum
You cannot reply to threads in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot vote in polls in this forum
You cannot add events in this forum
You cannot attach files in this forum
You cannot download files in this forum